Something about this pic is so…cool? Get back to me on that.
Well well well…the website is staying put for the duration until renewal time in October. Why did I change my mind?
I will be blunt as always.
Depression is crippling, so is anxiety. And when I feel like there’s no hope, I can say drastic things. No, I will never ever hurt myself in any capacity. I’m not that stupid. I have said dumb things though, to which I own up. And in this case, I own up…
Granted, websites don’t really matter too too much these days, unless you’re a giant corporation or a huge band like Metallica. Little locals like me, well, let’s be honest…I will always be at the bottom of everyone’s totem pole. That’s just the cold hard facts, and not said to look for sympathy. I am painfully aware of whatever stature I have in the music world.
I chat with an agent here at WordPress and he said I should wait until it’s near renewal time to downgrade my plan. I won’t lose as much as I thought. Thinking very realistically, what’s the point of spending over $125 when I can spend $60-75 tops? Still a decent chunk of change but I have some peace of mind (piece of mind?) and can pretend that four of you still like me and this site.
I am going to totally revamp the site, and hope for the best. I only did this a year or so ago, and am already bored of it. Plus the banner sits still while the page moves…no bueno! It’s very distracting to me and everyone.
So whatever changes I make, hope you like them. And please continue your support, it means a great deal to me.
Ever have a conversation with someone and certain words just drop on you like a bomb? That happened to me this morning (Monday March 17) at 7:49.
Buckle up for this blog…
I am going to copy/paste what my friend The Oddest Owl wrote me this morning when we talked about someone putting her work down:
“How could anyone understand what you do? Have you worked on your story telling? Have you ever written out exactly why you do what you do? People can only meet concepts as deeply as they’ve met themselves… and a lot of people stay in the shallow waters cause they’re afraid of drowning”
This nailed me good and hard. I thanked her for such powerful words.
Far too often, as artists, we want our works to be admired and revered. But that is not feasible or possible at all. People who belittle our work really have nothing to offer, or at the very least, they wish they could do what we do on a specific level. Granted, art is all about conveying emotion and it’s hard not to take something personally when someone doesn’t understand your trip.
What do people want then?
They want to feel like they can identify with something/someone. If it means dumbing down to lowest common denominator, then some artists are all too willing to do so. Why? Acceptance. The purest art or music comes from someone who is hungry and struggling. It’s raw, real, naked, and genuine. After a while, anger softens and you think “Would be nice to make a few extra bucks and see more people in the room” so you trade in your soul for being around people who pretend to like you.
Did I want mass popularity? Of course. But on my terms. And that doesn’t always happen. Problem is, a lot of people think very commercial-minded. It has to be quick to like or else forget it. My dad used to call it “microwave mentality”, meaning people want to be impressed in 30 seconds or less (or your money back?) I think it was Norm McDonald who said “You are not allowed to be smarter than your audience.” I call bullshit on that. This is why people respond quicker to bland monotony rather than actually absorbing something slowly. This is what society wants! Don’t think! Don’t disagree! Conform or be cast out (“Subdivisions…”)
This is what happens when someone inspires you early on a Monday morning!
We live in a dangerously nostalgic age. I think since the lockdowns in 2020, people had no choice but to revert back to their past, and dig up old photos/videos. We all reminisce, and that’s okay. It’s proof we’re still alive and breathing. But to stay in the past?
No thanks.
But I am going to admit something right now that I resisted for years…
I wanted to be popular in the 80s and never got that wish.
When you’re a unique person, in a sea of cookie cutters especially in high school, you’re going to be branded as “weird”, “strange”, and “I don’t get you, man.” I drift back to when I was in high school (not that I want to go back) and think “If I had the long hair, the popular local metal band, the cool clothes…man I would have been so loved.”
Or would I?
I had short hair in high school, looked like a Q-tip with ears. I had funky guitars though! I had a cherry red Guild Madiera Strat-copy and a Guild Burnside Blade in neon pink. Even my dad told me, “You better be REALLY good to play a pink guitar, or you’ll get your ass kicked.” I would see local bands, and they all had the look DOWN cold, and I stood there like “That will never be me.” I was destined to forge my own path, but at the time, I wanted to be like everyone else.
Good thing that never happened, right?
I never ever fit with the times. Ever. Either I was too weird in the 80s, or too 80s during the pretentious 90s grunge/alternative era. I even told myself “The 80s are over, put them away” and I did. Maybe?
I’m not for an 80s revival at all. Everyone going on the Monsters Of Rock cruise, going to various hair metal festivals…that’s not me, never will be. My fave part of 80s was the thrash metal scene and funk-metal as well. But damn it, I had to see Steve Vai’s neon JEM guitars as a teenager, huh? Screwed me up for life. I still want one.
I always had a penchant for funky guitars, amps, pedals, sneakers. Yet I look so plain jane. I resemble Geddy Lee if he was a roadie for Metallica. I stand out but not because I’m gorgeous, but rather my choice of gear. Oh and the way I play. Which is very good, whether you agree or not.
So I think I’m on my fourth mid-life crisis. I admit that but am not about to act like I’m youthful or that I will be this behemoth guitar god. That ship sailed. I am lucky to still look decent for a 55-year-old dude. I am VERY lucky to have nice gear, thanks to my endorsers. I take none of these for granted, ever.
And while I have no desire to go back to the 80s, I can do some things to make people identify with me. Hence the photo above. I’ve had that Ibanez RG7420MC since January 2001 and everyone knows the story behind my daughter calling it Pinkie. I was inspired to finally trick the guitar out but adding green knobs/pickup selector. And of course, Aurora Strings to bring out more of the 80s aesthetic. But make no mistake, I do NOT want to recreate the past. I can honor it but still look ahead.
I still wish I looked like this back in high school.
Anyone who knows me (and admits it) will know my obvious influences. But there are some guitar players that I admit to not mentioning so much. It’s not from lack of respect, it’s just that they slip my mind at times. I am going to fix that right here.
You ready for some names you might have forgotten?
Akira Takasaki of Loudness comes to mind. I always dug him more than who was popular at the time (EVH, Randy, Lynch, etc) because he had his own thing going and still does. He’s not super-original, is a good synthesis of a lot of his heroes but you know it’s him. I recommend listening to Loudness albums such as DISILLUSION, THUNDER IN THE EAST and the self-titled 1992 album (that one is SO heavy!!)
Ronnie LeTekro of TNT slips past me too but when I hear his band on Sirius, I tell myself “Oh yeah that’s right, he was pretty wicked!” Was compared to Yngwie for the Swedish thing as well as playing brutally fast but, let’s be honest, TNT had better songs. Check out the album KNIGHTS OF THE NEW THUNDER if you want to watch your jaw crash to the floor.
Vito Bratta of White Lion was an excellent guitarist who was, in my eyes, unfavorably compared to Eddie. Yes he looked like him a bit, and definitely did the tapping thing but he was more like Brian May to me. Very melodic, tasty but when you’re not looking, he can peel the paint off the walls. Go listen to FIGHT TO SURVIVE (PRIDE is great too) for some ferocious stuff!
I could easily mention Vernon Reid of Living Colour but he definitely is more known than the other guitarists mentioned. Still VERY quirky and you have no idea where his licks will go. And that’s a good thing. But this is about guitarists that I rarely mention so let me think of another one…
Andy Summers of The Police (You must be thinking HUH?) was a big influence on me. How? His use of 9th chords and chorus/flanger effects really inspired me. Along with Jamie West-Oram of the Fixx, he had a very arresting guitar sound. Wasn’t a big soloist but his rhythm work was melodic enough to almost be solo-like. Any Police album is worth listening to; there’s only five so dig in!”
And one more: Alex Lifeson of Rush. While this seems obvious because I’m a Rush fan, I need to talk about Alex more because he was another big influence on me. Whether he was playing Zep-type riffs or Police-style runs, he was still himself. His solos were not typical, yet there was a familiarity to them. Of course, listen to MOVING PICTURES!!
As a guitarist of 100 years, I always strived to find my own unique voice. It’s easy and then not. When others think very commercial-minded and want you in a box, I refuse to be slotted. Which is why I bristle when I hear things like “You need to play more like Eddie” and “Dude, Michael Schenker is where it’s at.” I like them but never jived to them, you know? Being esoteric doesn’t win you awards but virtue DOES get rewarded eventually.
I am so glad that today is the last day of February. If this was a leap year, I would lose my mind.
Oh I lost it back in the 80s if you can find it.
This winter has been the coldest that I can recall. We had more snowfall than the past two years combined but not a lot just the same. Are we done with snow? I sure hope so. This week is a teaser though: bright blue skies, bright sun, Spring-like weather.
And then it will all go downhill again for a bit longer.
Though I am busy with teaching, and it’s going well, I’m missing something. My keys? My inhaler? No wait…
I miss performing.
Won’t lie to anyone, was hoping for more cover gigs to sprout up but everyone needs drummers, singers, and bassists. Guitarists are a dime a dozen (but I’m worth at least a buck three-eighty) so I hang back. I really have zero desire to play my own songs live, as the interest isn’t there. Just have to accept that my days are behind me, and that’s alright. I knew when to walk away and not become a caricature or shell of my former self.
Others do that quite well.
So why was I buying new pedals, straps, and re-ordering more strings? Maybe I’m bored. Or I hope the inspiration comes back. Who knows? Can’t force these things to happen. But seven planets are lining up tonight so that could be good, right? Maybe when the clocks go ahead an hour, things will perk back up. Got me there.
I feel stuck, truth be told.
Don’t get me wrong, my seasonal depression is slowly lifting. I re-upped my vitamin stash, cutting back on junk food (though I have a sweet tooth), and getting my walks in with the nicer weather. I enjoy playing guitar more than ever because I have nobody to impress. I am learning new jazz licks, and even some country, just to keep my fingers from falling into atrophy.
And I’m still the best guitarist in my house. Undefeated.
So come March 1st, what will happen? No idea. I have learned to take a gigantic step back, let the fates decide what’s next. Some things I can control, others are beyond my reach. If I manifest and put things out to the universe, perhaps I will have some good fortunes swing my way.
Many years ago, somewhere around early 2005 to be precise, I had a discussion/disagreement with a drummer when he said “You need a logo.” I said it works for others but not necessary for what I do. He kept harping on “You need to market better! You need something like what Kiss and Led Zeppelin have.” As I said, logos work for them. Same with brands like Coca-Cola, Facebook, etc.
I do instrumental music for Pete’s sake!!!
Joe Satriani had a different logo with every album. So did Steve Vai, Motley Crue, Rush, Prince, and Deep Purple. And I don’t think anyone complained about that (maybe the drummer I had in my band 20 years ago did). I always say it as every time I did a new album, a new font was needed to reflect things. I get it that it’s all about branding/marketing/whatever.
I simply don’t care.
And yes I’ve been told plenty of times that “You suck at networking” and they’re right. I suck at marketing too but somehow I can promote quite well. For me, it’s always been about the music. I mean, look at the front cover of Bon Jovi’s SLIPPERY WHEN WET. He had to change it so he ran his finger over a wet Hefty bag. Millions sold.
Original cover for “Always The Last To Know” single
We all struggle with various aspects of our lives. One that definitely seems to be the most talked-about is fitting in. We all want to feel validated/admired/appreciated but at what expense?
When you’re unique, it’s sometimes not welcomed.
We’re living in an age where generations are clashing left and right. We’ve often said “We won’t talk like our parents do/did” and yet here we are! We try to be open-minded about things but ultimately it just doesn’t happen. How often do we catch ourselves saying “Back in my day” or “Today’s music sucks”.
Guilty as charged.
I guess we can’t help ourselves. So where does that leave us? Are we destined to be islands unto ourselves? Or do we wear the right clothes, say the right catch phrases, and listen to music we can’t stand just to be accepted? For some, the desperation is palpable.
I wanted to fit somewhere all of my life. I never fit at home or school as a kid. Figured “If I got really good on guitar, people would flock to me.” Nope. And heaven forbid I use words longer than four letters! I can curse with the best of them but ultimately it sounds cheap and trite. (Get me pissed off, and it’s over HAHA) With the exception of where I teach, I never fit at any job. Was always reprimanded for something trivial. Again, when you’re different, people can’t handle it. They say “I love a challenge” but the challenge for them is to change you.
As I said in the previous blog, I am proud to be quirky/eccentric/weird/strange. I am fully aware of that. I think quite a few people were shoehorned by society early on in life, and only know one way to exist. They don’t know how to live, they only know how to stay inside the lines. Don’t make any sudden moves, and you’ll get along just fine.
Thankfully, I have come across some people who feel the same way I do. We talk about “where do we belong?” and the answer is simple: We’re meant to shine, not blend. I’ve been told that I have balls to pull off wearing funky sneakers, colorful flannel shirts, do instrumental music, and now I have fuzzy straps for Pete’s sake!! Guess I’m more confident than I give myself credit for. So to those who find it hard to fit in…STOP TRYING! You have a tribe, and it may be small but accepting. Everyone else are too busy keeping up with the Joneses.
Now go get yourself a V-Tar fuzzy strap!!!
This goes with the pink flannel.And buy green pedals too!!!
I’ve been debating on writing this blog, then erasing it, forgetting about it. Then my brain says “You have to be honest with yourself and those who read your blogs, man.”
I hate my brain sometimes.
Every winter, I battle with seasonal depression. I make no bones about that, and if one person can step up and say “I have that too”, then hopefully we can arrive at how to get past this. Some get it in the summer, but I think it’s more common in winter. When I was a kid, I hated winter, would be visibly upset. And of course, I was made fun of for it. Kids can be cruel but adults could be worse. There was no such thing as ADHD/ADD back in the 70s, so you were either “normal” or “weird”.
Guess which one I was.
I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder in 2013 and then everything made sense. It didn’t erase how I was treated back when I was younger, but I could move forward and deal with it as best as possible.
Now add self doubt/impostor’s syndrome to the mix.
Yeah you pictured my brain exploding too?
I will not sit here and say I was perfect and amazing. I hurt people too in the past but more as a protection, rather than sabotaging someone or making them feel like they were worthless. I can think back to all the negative comments hurled my way since I played in bands back in the 80s. But I was so driven and determined to make it, I was better at letting things bounce (but I internalized things just the same…go figure). I had to endure a lot of nastiness from guys who couldn’t find their own ass with two hands. Somehow I could brush myself off and move on.
Not this time.
I basically fell down pretty hard a while back. One morning I woke up and EVERY single hurtful thing from teachers, kids, musicians, family…I was basically stone-walled. Couldn’t breathe or think. All I could think was “What did I do to warrant such bullshit?” Then it hit me…
I’m a good person.
Bullies don’t target weak people, they go after strong ones. No I don’t have muscles, but I was always a pretty ‘together’ person. So when I would hear things like “You’re too nice, stop that” and “Stop using big words, you’re so pretentious”…well, yes I am too nice, and no I’m not pretentious. I am pompous though. How’s THAT for honesty?
Without going on and on about every single incident, I can cull everything together and say it was a THEM problem, not a ME problem.
But was I really a good guitarist? Or was I a fraud?
My guitar style is flashy, trashy, quirky, noodly…but could I really play? Some said I could, others say “Ah he’s not that good, just masturbates a lot.” (Any female readers, please forgive me!) But here’s the rub…I CAN PLAY. Few can really handle me. So they turn it around like “You’re nothing special! You need to play more like…”
No, I play like me. And if you don’t like it, stay in the past, okay?
But I still feel “Was I lying to myself all these years? I mean, did people really like playing with me? Or was I just something to do until something better came along?” My dad said it to me around the time I was recording ABOUT TO EXPLODE (2008): “People just want to see their names on your albums, and their work is done.” Still I thought I could find my tribe.
Nope.
So between seasonal depression and self-doubt…
I am going to kick these to the curb soon!
My mojo is coming back…slowly…slowly. Not going to pretend that life is peachy and rainbows are shooting out of my ass. But I will feel like the Steve Bello that I should be.
And to sum up who I am:
I’m weird, strange, quirky, eccentric, enigmatic, and a kick-ass guitar player that writes decent songs too. I care about what I do, what appeals to me. Not what others want me to be.
Whenever I go somewhere in my town, inevitably (but not often), I will hear something from a teenager or pre-teen:
“I like your style!”
Hmmm…I look like a hybrid of 70s/80s but with my own sense of…style? I wear what feels good. Whether it’s t-shirt/jeans/sneakers, or leather jacket/flannel shirt/Doc Martens, I’m just me. I never had a style that anyone wanted to copy.
Same with my music and guitar playing.
A friend of mine who’s a piano teacher said this to me a while back (I was given permission to share and that I would not mention the person’s name):
“You’re original. So even when playing others music, it sounds like you. When you play your own stuff, others can’t understand it or just cannot truly comprehend.”
This made total sense but at the same time, I scratched my head over this. I’d heard as far back as the 80s that “You have your own style” when it came to how I play. I always joked that I’m like Steve Vai but all the wrong notes. I would hear something like Metallica and get inspired. Then hear The Police. Then John McLaughlin…you get the picture. I love metal but couldn’t sit still with absorbing other sounds and styles. I like heavy, aggressive music but I couldn’t kill a fly if it was dead. I’ve always had some degree of melody along with playing tasteless noises. Hearing the textural sounds of Andy Summers or Jamie West-Oram was as thrilling as the shred of Yngwie Malmsteen and Tony MacAlpine. Yet it all made sense to me.
Now throw Prince in the mix…hooooo-boy!
When you are scattered yet focused with your influences, that will ruffle some feathers. Inevitably (and always) I hear “Why can’t you write like…?” or “Why must you use that sound?” Even family members would say things such as “Play what people like, get rich, and then you can do what you want.” Not so fast! I have to be honest with myself. Period.
How can one be unique? Simple: Acknowledge your influences but learn to step outside the circle. I was trapped by my influences too, who wouldn’t be? Think it was around the fifth album GO BERZERK! where I felt like I was transitioning and shifting into a new type of guitarist and writer. LAYERS OF TIME came out four years later and things leveled up. The late great Neil Peart once said that Rush’s MOVING PICTURES was when they “truly became Rush”. That’s how I felt with GB and then LOT. Once I let go of who I “should” be as a guitarist/writer, I felt more liberated.
Most musicians want to be shackled to a particular style or image. I wanted to be the metal guy but it’s not in me. Never was. I’m a bit esoteric in that regard. When eyebrows curl up, that’s how I know I’m challenging metal people. I still love metal, it’s a huge part of my DNA. But I always wrote what felt good. Much like I wear what feels good.
I should be at NAMM this weekend. I should be walking around, visiting booths and pretending to be a guitar god for a few days.
I should be working on new music but then realize people only want familiarity.
I should be a step ahead of seasonal depression but it’s kicking my ass.
I should be casting negative thoughts out of my head but when you’re surrounded by negativity and passive-aggressiveness, it’s not easy.
But I’m glad to not be at NAMM this weekend. I’m happy teaching, staying close to home, and being greeted by the power trio of cats you see above. I always said if you want to be in a room full of narcissistic, self-serving, insecure people, go to a NAMM show. It’s mind-blowing.
And I had been writing music but not in any shape to do anything past the demo stage. Being creative is vital; being subject to ridicule isn’t. People definitely want the tried-and-true, and after years of hearing “Why can’t you write a song like…?” or worse, it was time for me to walk away.
Seasonal depression found me again but I’m doing my best to stay focused. We’ve not had much snow but it’s been brutally cold, painfully so. I pine for the days of warmer weather and lesser clothing. T-shirt/shorts/sneakers for me. (I do know people who get this in the summer though!)
And when you are constantly being barraged with negativity, after a while, you can tune it out. It’s not easy but once you get past that hump, it’s good. The more I “grey rock” people, the happier I will be. I have 55 years to unpack and then maybe the same amount of time to feel better about myself.
OFFICIAL WEBSITE FOR 7-STRING GUITARIST STEVE BELLO 
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