Well here we are, feeling cabin fever, which begs the question…
How many more days til Spring?
I hate winter. Always did, since I was a kid. Would always feel sad and bummed, unlike my friends who thrived on snowball fights, sledding and writing their name in the snow with, well, use your imagination. Often times I would be told “Suck it up” when that’s the last thing someone who is depressed wants to hear. If saying that to someone makes themselves feel comfortable, then I guess their job is done.
A few years ago, I came across an article about something called Seasonal Affective Disorder. I ran down the check list and thought “That’s it! That’s what I have, or I think I have.” Chat with some friends about it and they suffer from it too. It is possible to feel this in the summer but more often than not, it’s a winter thing. I have been taking plenty of Vitamin D, and just trying to keep my brain occupied with good things. Not always easy when you’re invisible to many people.
I am putting my music away for a while. My heart is simply not there. I still love teaching, and that seems to be where my heart belongs. Having students tell me “This was fun” and “You’re cooler than most of the teachers in my school” is very validating. But the most important thing is that my students are learning and asking great questions (my brain hurts but it’s worth it). I wanted pats on the back for my music. I don’t ask for them when I teach. That’s not the job of a teacher. If a student feels enriched and says so unsolicited, then great.
Do I have “just” winter blues? Maybe. But depression is real, people. And while I recall a former friend telling me “You cannot write about this stuff online! Everything has to be positive!”, I beg to differ. Too much pressure is applied to feel like “I am the greatest” and it comes across as shallow and parochial. If this blog inspires someone to take a stand, then great. If this blog makes me lose a fan/friend, then oh well.