Whenever I go somewhere in my town, inevitably (but not often), I will hear something from a teenager or pre-teen:

“I like your style!”

Hmmm…I look like a hybrid of 70s/80s but with my own sense of…style? I wear what feels good. Whether it’s t-shirt/jeans/sneakers, or leather jacket/flannel shirt/Doc Martens, I’m just me. I never had a style that anyone wanted to copy.

Same with my music and guitar playing.

A friend of mine who’s a piano teacher said this to me a while back (I was given permission to share and that I would not mention the person’s name):

“You’re original. So even when playing others music, it sounds like you. When you play your own stuff, others can’t understand it or just cannot truly comprehend.”

This made total sense but at the same time, I scratched my head over this. I’d heard as far back as the 80s that “You have your own style” when it came to how I play. I always joked that I’m like Steve Vai but all the wrong notes. I would hear something like Metallica and get inspired. Then hear The Police. Then John McLaughlin…you get the picture. I love metal but couldn’t sit still with absorbing other sounds and styles. I like heavy, aggressive music but I couldn’t kill a fly if it was dead. I’ve always had some degree of melody along with playing tasteless noises. Hearing the textural sounds of Andy Summers or Jamie West-Oram was as thrilling as the shred of Yngwie Malmsteen and Tony MacAlpine. Yet it all made sense to me.

Now throw Prince in the mix…hooooo-boy!

When you are scattered yet focused with your influences, that will ruffle some feathers. Inevitably (and always) I hear “Why can’t you write like…?” or “Why must you use that sound?” Even family members would say things such as “Play what people like, get rich, and then you can do what you want.” Not so fast! I have to be honest with myself. Period.

How can one be unique? Simple: Acknowledge your influences but learn to step outside the circle. I was trapped by my influences too, who wouldn’t be? Think it was around the fifth album GO BERZERK! where I felt like I was transitioning and shifting into a new type of guitarist and writer. LAYERS OF TIME came out four years later and things leveled up. The late great Neil Peart once said that Rush’s MOVING PICTURES was when they “truly became Rush”. That’s how I felt with GB and then LOT. Once I let go of who I “should” be as a guitarist/writer, I felt more liberated.

Most musicians want to be shackled to a particular style or image. I wanted to be the metal guy but it’s not in me. Never was. I’m a bit esoteric in that regard. When eyebrows curl up, that’s how I know I’m challenging metal people. I still love metal, it’s a huge part of my DNA. But I always wrote what felt good. Much like I wear what feels good.

Pink flannel shirts are metal 🙂

I should be at NAMM this weekend. I should be walking around, visiting booths and pretending to be a guitar god for a few days.

I should be working on new music but then realize people only want familiarity.

I should be a step ahead of seasonal depression but it’s kicking my ass.

I should be casting negative thoughts out of my head but when you’re surrounded by negativity and passive-aggressiveness, it’s not easy.

But I’m glad to not be at NAMM this weekend. I’m happy teaching, staying close to home, and being greeted by the power trio of cats you see above. I always said if you want to be in a room full of narcissistic, self-serving, insecure people, go to a NAMM show. It’s mind-blowing.

And I had been writing music but not in any shape to do anything past the demo stage. Being creative is vital; being subject to ridicule isn’t. People definitely want the tried-and-true, and after years of hearing “Why can’t you write a song like…?” or worse, it was time for me to walk away.

Seasonal depression found me again but I’m doing my best to stay focused. We’ve not had much snow but it’s been brutally cold, painfully so. I pine for the days of warmer weather and lesser clothing. T-shirt/shorts/sneakers for me. (I do know people who get this in the summer though!)

And when you are constantly being barraged with negativity, after a while, you can tune it out. It’s not easy but once you get past that hump, it’s good. The more I “grey rock” people, the happier I will be. I have 55 years to unpack and then maybe the same amount of time to feel better about myself.

Can I live to over 100? Perhaps.

I will still challenge what’s “normal” though 😉

I was going to deep-six this website. It’s kind of dead wood to me, and at least I’m being honest about it. But what’s preventing me from doing so?

Aside from posting pics of funky gear?

I feel it would be a big disservice to my friend Alexx Calise, who suggested I do this site back in 2019, if I got rid of it. Like anything new, people flock to it, get excited…and then move on. My biggest problem is that I expect(ed) people to really dig my trip and that’s simply not feasible. If anything, it’s downright delusional. So I had to take a gigantic step back.

I gave this site a new coat of paint a while back, and people dug it. I cleaned some pages up, and am sure more needs to be done. But I’m a box of rocks with this stuff; my fear is one false move and BYE BYE to my hard work. I used to put my trust in people with managing past sites, only to be met with insouciance and then tarnishing things. I’m alone here and that suits me fine.

So what else should I do to make this site more active? Hmmm…thinking thinking…maybe make a page featuring other bands’ links? Well, since I rarely get support from others (at least on a local level), I can toss that idea in the garbage. Do I mention “bigger name” artists and their sites too? Nah, that will make me look like a name-dropper/social climber. I’ve no desire to be either.

Wonder if there’s a way to do livestreams on here like on FB and IG. Would that work if given the opportunity? I don’t have a cool studio or anything. Scratch that.

I had friggin’ SNOW on here (thanks to the folks at WordPress) and that perked some interest. Maybe there’ll be hearts for Valentines’ Day? Or three ships for Columbus Day?

Promoting on socials is a pain because the algorithms get messed up. FB, Twitter (I will never call it X), IG…they don’t want you to leave their platforms.

There has to be a way…

Any ideas?

Is this not the longest January ever? Seems like that to me.

But Xmas came later in the form of three new pieces of gear!!!

First up: Orange Micro Dark 20 watt amp head. Like the Micro Terror, it has a tube in the pre-amp and the rest is solid state. Which means…THIS THING CRANKS!!! It’s got a much heavier tone and that’s good! Cleans up real well too and has an effects loop. For us guitar nerds, these features matter. For others, well, you can just golf-clap.

Second piece: Flamma FC11 envelope filter. I am seriously digging these smaller pedals made by smaller companies. Most are only available through Amazon, so I check out YouTube demo videos before I make a move. My signature Slippery Gypsy pedal died right before a gig last week, so it was time to search for a pedal that has the envelope feature. In short, it’s an auto wah that you control with your picking hand as opposed to your feet (again, guitar nerd talk). I checked out other brands and this one stood out because, well, it’s YELLOW and reasonably priced. It handles clean tones well but was a bit tough to navigate at first with distortion. I found the sweet spot though. So I can recreate my Bootsy/Stevie Salas sounds again! (**The other side of the Slippery Gypsy pedal was a uni-vibe, so I ordered a second Kokko vibe!)

Last but not least, the creme de menthe: V-Tar fuzzy hot pink guitar strap!!! I saw this on Amazon and thought “This is too goofy and cool, gotta get one!” Then I learned it was being shipped from the UK! Thankfully shipping was free WHEW! I received this strap today after waiting maybe two weeks or so. Upon taking it out of the padded envelope…OH COME ON!!! It’s very bright and super funky!! Now I look more metal than ever 🙂

I cannot wait to do more gigs now that I have all this gear 🙂

New Years Eve 2024…I receive a Facebook message:

“If you good for this Friday, black river barn. 10pm show”

So my last day of the year started off with being needed for a Supernova gig four days later. And I didn’t expect to hear about any shows until maybe March/April.

Threw on a new set of orange Aurora Strings on ye olde Universe and brushed up on the songs. Added a few new ones, and we were off and running. Always a blast playing with these guys and they appreciate my brand of sonic squalor for three sets.

The best part though? This was the most relaxed that I can recall about playing. No feelings of “Wow I hope people like me” and “Someone better tell me that I can play guitar.” Those days are behind me, replaced with feelings of “I really enjoy playing more than ever!” Once I dialed in my sounds, the mood was just right. Getting lost in the music is the best.

And for some strange reason, any time I sit in with Supernova, someone in the crowd yells “Slayer!” Hmmm…I must give off REIGN IN BLOOD vibes.

As of now, 2025 is starting off on a loud note (or in my case, too many notes) and hope the trend continues.

Boy do I need sleep though.

I sat on this particular piece of music for about a year, waiting for the right sounds to come to me. I had the guitar part already, just needed that extra something. After some time had passed, the rest of it came to me.

I present to you the final single of 2024 entitled “Always The Last To Know”. Head over to the MUSIC page on here, or go to my Bandcamp or Soundcloud to hear it.

The title stems from…well, you can interpret it however you wish.

As for the song itself: is this one of the saddest pieces of music I ever wrote?

You be the judge.

Not that anyone asked, but while I put my guitar god aspirations away, I decided to compile a list of the good aspects of 2024.

See how many you remember:

Played a bowling alley. Played a golf course. Played a farm with a corn maze. (Maybe I will play a ski slope in the future?)

Bought two used (new to me) 7-string guitars in the same year.

Had a very nice shout-out from the stage by Tony Portaro of Whiplash.

Got to play a benefit concert in NYC.

Got hugs from Living Colour. And a tweet from guitarist Vernon Reid.

Remastered some albums, released some ambient tunes.

And the best part? I discarded the person I thought I was, and embraced who I really am.

What will 2025 bring?

Hopefully more enlightenment.

How I spent my Friday afternoon…

Thought I didn’t have the files for these albums but surprise surprise! Thank goodness for Dropbox, which I had forgotten about (oops!)

Since I had no plans today, why not play these songs that I’d not heard nor performed in years, and remind myself of how overly ambitious I was back then. My playing improved since then, but wow I sounded like Slopmaster General on some tracks. And I thought I was good? Sheesh.

Hey, sometimes the enthusiasm outshines the talent.

Both of these were an interesting trip down memory lane. GO BERZERK! was recorded at Bennett Studios (RIP) with a trio; LAYERS OF TIME was basically me being like Prince and doing everything except one keyboard part at the producer’s home studio. Either way, the music got to the public.

GO BERZERK! was the first cd to sell really fast. This was when Facebook was still heating up, as well as MySpace really on fire. So the idea of an artist or band pushing new music was a big deal and people ate it up. Now, forget it. Anyway, I remember going through three boxes of cds with this one. Even got to play Starland Ballroom for the first time opening for Uli Roth and Leslie West. Life seemed good!

LAYERS was a bitch to get off the ground for reasons I won’t get into. But the producer at the time said “Do it yourself, you wrote the songs!” So he helped me get EZ Drummer and off I went, programming drum parts, copying/pasting, sitting on the laptop feeling like THIS WILL NEVER END! I played all the guitars and bass, and he did one keyboard part of the title track. And with this cd, I got to do some big gigs, opening for Joe Lynn Turner, Lita Ford and King’s X. Not bad.

But the album didn’t sell as fast as its predecessor. By this time, MySpace was dead, and Facebook was making it tough for musicians to promote unless they were willing to pay for ads. Both albums saw nice articles written about me in The South Bergenite, a newspaper from my old hometown. So that’s always a plus.

At the time, having large gaps in between albums made me feel like I was lazy. Not so. For most acts, the first two or three albums are spit out rather quickly, like there’s not enough hours in a day to record. I was hoping to subscribe to the Motorhead/Black Flag ethos of “If you ain’t doing an album a year, you ain’t workin’.” I unintentionally fell into the Boston/Def Leppard camp with having wide spaces in between releases. Not what I planned but whatever.

Remastering these albums was a lot of fun. The ONLY change I made was to the song “Surfing To Venus” from GO. I sped the original track up 10% to match the speed of how I’d do it live (much like “Quicker Than The Devil”). Aside from that, everything else is original. Added some reverb, delay, whatever to breathe new life into these tracks. These are NOT remixes at all.

Hearing these songs definitely brought me back to that aforementioned place of being ambitious and undaunted. Not every song is a winner, but I am proud of what’s written. (“Chomp” is the only song not written by me, BTW. That credit goes to the bassist Joe DeMott.) I can look back and think one thing…

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY AMBITION?!

Both of these are on my Bandcamp page and will soon be on various streaming sits via Distrokid. I am going to completely re-do the WHAT’S IN STORE page, as I have been directing people to Bandcamp. I have no hard copies of anything anyway, so why bother?

I hope you enjoy the remasters, as much as I enjoyed tweaking things.

One day the fire will return…

This pic sums things up, I guess…

When I took that selfie a few days ago, my joke was “The sun hit my hair just right.” Then I took a good long look at it, and noticed something.

Is this what inner peace feels like?

I can’t say for sure but my face doesn’t show any desperation anymore, nor any signs of fatigue. I actually have color in my face from sleeping better. The yellow glasses help too.

Ever since November 10’s gig in NYC, I have felt this change wash over me. Was I leveling up? Was I finally accepting things as they are? Who knows. Some have noticed that I’m not the same guy, and even I noticed too. Do I still crack bad jokes? Yes. Do I still dress funny? Yes. But this feeling of liberation has taken over. How so?

For years, like most aspiring musicians, we pine to be welcomed in a certain circle or clique. Do we look the part? Talk the talk? Have the right gear? For me, the answer is none of the above, which severely limits my chances of being accepted. And I fought for it for way too long. I’d go to shows, whether it was a local band or a big concert, and think “Where’s my tribe? Where’s my place in life?” And if you don’t fit, you’re in trouble. People love to try and change you to make you fit…in THEIR world. It’s a war of attrition. Wear you down until you learn their language, change your attire, whatever needs to be done.

Integrity is key.

I have a lot of it, which tends to throw people off-axis. Which is why I heard things like “You’ll never be accepted around here because you’re not an asshole like the rest of us” and “You never made it in music because you’re not a coked-out arrogant 80s leftover.” Oh and I don’t have rich parents or a well-connected relative in the business, so forget it.

For decades, I wanted to be “the guitar player” and it never happened. Not the way I envisioned. Seeing people fawning over guys like Eddie Van Halen, Steve Vai, Yngwie Malmsteen, etc…I thought “That can be me, right?” Oh Lord no! I never had the ‘it’ factor. I have the talent. But that doesn’t mean anything. At all. Yet I thought “I can be a mover and a shaker, right?” Nope. You can be Joe Satriani’s brother, and without the right support behind you, you are invisible to the world.

Which is how I’ve felt forever.

But after that gig at The Cutting Room, I got home and thought “I can walk away now. I did it all.” Well, almost all. I will never get to open for Rush like I dreamed but I finally did a gig with Living Colour! Did I expect this change to come over me? No. I figured I would go back to grinding away, maybe work on new music, and try to get people to listen to me.

And that’s the hardest part of being a musician. Being heard.

I got tired of it. It didn’t feel right to me anymore. Why stress and fret over something that is supposed to bring me happiness? I love playing the guitar, more than ever. I am more relaxed, not worried about impressing anyone anymore. I don’t have to hear snide comments or “ball-busting” because I don’t cater to anyone’s lusty whims. Musicians by and large are fragile and petulant, no matter their age or skill level. We all want to be recognized. There’s no harm in that. But when I would be excluded from things, or worse, included but made to feel like “Why are YOU here?”, it was time to slam on the brakes.

I no longer see myself as a guitarist or professional musician. If a cover band needs my help, THEN I am a guitar player but it’s not as big a deal as I wanted it to be. But when I am either sitting in my basement, I am a human being. Or when I’m giving lessons, I am a guitar teacher. I wear that like a badge. It will take a while to leave my “identity” behind (and no I’m not cutting my hair) but as of now, it feels good to just be in the moment, and not worry about “Does anyone like my music or guitar work?”

Is this what inner peace feels like?

I guess so…

**I had to add this before it went live. Picked up one of my guitars at home for the first time since the last gig with Rock Hard. Jammed to some Yes, and was instantly transported back to when I was learning Steve Howe licks as a teenager. THIS is why I play guitar…for the enjoyment.