WASN’T GOING TO BLOG THIS WEEK BUT…

I was not going to write a blog this week. I had nothing to offer, didn’t want to just ramble and take up your time. Then I realized something…

Rambling is what I do!

I was listening to The Metallicave last night on Cranium Radio, and DJJD (as he calls himself) played songs from 1984. I don’t like to reminisce a lot but last night I was trapped in this zone. Hearing songs from Celtic Frost, Dio, Slayer, Metallica, and the like got me thinking about how I loved playing guitar back in the day. The sound of distortion buzzing my ears, feeling the strings come alive under my fingers, and with that came the dreams of guitar god stardom and being up there with my heroes. I knew it would take a lot of work but I was so determined and driven to succeed.

I’d been playing in bands since 1986, each one making me feel like “I’m getting closer to what I am dreaming of.” Every musician worth their salt has those dreams: throngs of fans, huge stadiums, tons of album sales, etc. Very very few get to that level, if you really think about it, but I was focused and ambitious to the point of mania. I drove people nuts, lost friends, had family members smirk at me with “So when are you getting a haircut and selling your gear?” When you’re hyper-focused on the bulls-eye, not even a Mack truck will stop you.

I was definitely out of control with my burning desire to “make it”. I would leave bands, not give a shit, move onto the next one, wash/rinse/repeat. I felt like everyone were holding me back from achieving my dreams. How could others not be as serious as me? To be fair, some probably thought “He has the audacity to think he can make it?” I’ve heard descriptions such as delusional, dreamer, and loser hurled at me. But then something happened that I didn’t expect.

I forgot how to love playing guitar. I loved applause, having my ego stroked, and feeling like I was making serious connections and having a lot of friends. I never sabotaged anyone’s progress but others were hell bent on derailing me. I used to ask why. Talk to anyone who played with me from 1986 to a couple of years ago, and they might tell you that “Steve has talent but he can be a downright prick.” I loved telling people that I play guitar but did I love playing?

No.

The guitar became a tool for helping me reach end goals. I got a deal with Ibanez, which even surprised me, much less those who honestly thought I wasn’t capable of doing it. That was the problem: very very few people really thought I could achieve something. Other musicians would get the love and support but I was always left to my own devices, and fending for myself. (To be fair: the now-former Ibanez rep Angelo Mimmo was the one who put the wheels in motion for my deal!)

I started slowly making a name for myself around the time MySpace was all the rage. Yep, now it’s YOUR turn to feel nostalgic! Before that, it was “Oh you have a demo?” and then it was “Oh you’re on MySpace?” Music could reach people way faster than mailing a Memorex tape. I thought “The stars are lining up!!” Everything was about BEING A GUITAR GOD! Every gig, every album…my thoughts went to “This could be the year” but wasn’t meant to be.

Playing the Stone Pony for the first time back in 2006 was a thrill, as any musician in New Jersey dreams of playing there. I really thought “I can’t lose now, there’s no turning back, I’m on my way!” And then…nothing. One step up, five back. I was Sisyphus with a guitar.

But wait…Feb 2012…I got to open for Uli Roth and Leslie West at Starland Ballroom! PINCH ME! Here’s the rub: a few guitarists bristled at me for taking that gig because they felt they deserved it. Guess what? You don’t deserve anything, you have to work for it. Luck is opportunity meets preparation, and this time the planets were in a row. And then…nothing…again.

Pardon my French but WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

More big gigs happened, then I got to play some shows and tour with TM Stevens and TC Tolliver. THIS IS IT!!! Nothing’s going to hold me back, nobody’s going to send me down the garbage chute anymore. After my tenure with TM, I did a LOT of shows with my band between 2015 and 2019. Opening for Lita Ford, King’s X, Joe Lynn Turner…SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!

I walked away from everything in May 2019 after the gig with Michael Angelo Batio. I couldn’t take the stress of selling tickets, the pressure of cultivating a following, and dealing with “You know what you should do?” The final straw was the promoter saying OUCH to me because I sold 11 tickets. Maybe if promoters did their job.

Oh wait, I made sense. Sorry.

After the lockdowns, I went to work on another album and did two shows to “promote” the album. The final show I performed with my music was back on July 9, 2022 at DJJD’s Metalfest 7 show in Teaneck. Even before I played a note, I said to myself “You can stop driving yourself crazy now” and it was one of the best shows I ever played in my life. People still talk about that show four years on, and with good reason. It was different, unique, and purely about the music.

But people don’t see bands for that reason, and with that in mind, after the last note of “Never Be The Sane” faded…I stepped off stage, changed my clothes, threw my shit in the car and told myself “You can stop trying now.”

Yes I help out cover bands for fun and a few bucks. No pressure, no stress, just hiding behind songs I didn’t write and pocketing some cash. But I’m still creative. I just finished my tenth album. And the strangest thing happened before that…

You can find the blog about my playing the TM Stevens benefit show back in November 2024. In short, Living Colour gave me the validation that I sought for decades. Unless Steve Vai says something about my playing (which will never happen), it was at that very moment that I truly let go of being Steve Bello. Or at least the Steve Bello that I thought I had to be.

Suddenly I enjoyed playing guitar again for guitar’s sake. I no longer picked up any of my guitars and thought “Damn I wish I was famous” but rather “I’m lucky to still be playing as well as I can.” I play better than ever, because my mind is not bogged down with delusions of grandeur. While writing and recording the new album, I even said on occasion that it didn’t feel like a chore anymore. My playing has become more free, more open, and did I ease up on being a perfectionist?

Kinda.

Even Mike told me when I was laying down solos that “you’re not going for note perfection” and that struck me. Of course I cared about what was coming through my fingers and the amp, but now there was this spontaneity that either I forgot about, or never had in the first place. Listening back to the solos, I felt proud in that I truly accomplished one that that was in my back pocket for years…

Enjoying the guitar.